Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
