do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
