Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
