Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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