guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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