New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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