I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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