I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
