can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
