I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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