My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
