Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
