if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
