My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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