He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
