Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
