I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
