Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
