I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize