can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
