I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
