Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
