I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
