i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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