do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
