so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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