im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
