Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
