Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
