hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize