totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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