I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it because I queefed?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
