dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize