please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
