He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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