so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
