She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
