I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize