dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
