Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
