so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
