you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
