this beer tastes like vomit already
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
