i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
