How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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