just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize