i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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