no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
