saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize