I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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