If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
