i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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