Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
