all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
