He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
