I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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