You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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