Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
