You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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