so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
