Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the raccoons are back...
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