Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
