Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
