Tell her she can't have a vagina
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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