If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
