he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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