no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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