i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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