I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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