I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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