What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
