I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
