no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
